🎧 Audiobook: https://open.spotify.com/show/0mkJRWJA9bj8C4LbIXjCeX?si=3515618778ea418c

Chapter 1

“Rather than fearing we’re too sexual, we should be more concerned that we have not yet become sexual enough.”

“Your life story set you up to experience the bondage of unwanted sexual behavior. And only in this story with a heart of curiosity and agency will provide the way out. Your sexual behavior is unwanted because you intuitively know it does not bear the beauty you were made for. God is not ashamed of us, He wants you to know a beauty you could have never conceived of, at the height of your despair”

“One way of thinking about unwanted sexual behavior is to see it as a convergence of two rivers—your past and the difficulties you face in the present. The place where two rivers converge is called a conflux, and is where you will find the strongest current. For example, the Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers join together in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to form the Ohio River. … Similarly, if you want to understand why sexual struggles exist in your life, you have to understand the tributaries that make the struggles possible.”

Chapter question

Have you ever sensed the work of evil in your life? When? What dimensions of your life do you think it was trying to unpack? Think of a time when you felt the beauty of your body and sexuality - what images or scenes emerge?

Works of evil

• People pleasing tendencies
• Feeling unqualified especially because of my physical appearance
• Constant judgement of my behavior as “despicable” and “undisciplined” growing up
• Body dysmorphia and overeating

Unpacking

• my pride in being a disciplined person

• There was a lot of emphasis on “your voice” and “leadership” growing up even at an early age, I think my body needed an escape

• Strict upbringing around no sex before marriage and not a lot of guidance beforehand

Time of beauty

• Moments of intimacy with my wife
• Working out, feeling strong again
• Often playing drums in worship